I am so tired. It is one of those nights where I change into my sleeping clothes, throw myself in bed, arms and legs lay out (breath in), close my eyes (breath out) and slowly drift away in my sleep. Listening to El Beeper by Oro Solido is keeping me up so far so I can write about my day.
I really enjoy co-worker who ask to hangout with them after work. I feel it is “nice” to get asked to hang out or do something outside of work hours. It also a “nice” feeling that I want to get used to. I always felt awkward to hang out with co worker after work hours (What do we talk about? Am I suppose to be a certain way? Where are we going? Can we gossip about other people at work? Is there a boundary for sharing certain things?). I am a person who find it comfortable to “deal” with one person. I prefer one-on-one contact. Why? it’s less stressful, overwhelming and attention to be given to. I am NOT always like this. I’m sure you know what I mean. You meet one person and after a couple of hangouts you then get comfortable because you know them. Let say, that person brings another friend along and all of three of you get along very well. Chances are, you will be fine with two people in the group (yeah, like me in CATS). It is nice to have a small group of close friends.
So, I was saying, my co worker and I went to a small but cozy Japanese restaurant for dinner in Chinatown. This restaurant is OK and I really like the atmosphere in there (I feel like a little figurine in the middle of a snow globe – that kind of feeling). Can’t really describe the exact feeling but it’s a good visual description of how I feel. We talked about relationship, family, work and everyday mundane stuff, I mean who doesn’t talk about it? At the end of the his talking, he said he talked too much about himself (I guess that is not normal? Am I just sitting there listening too much?). I am a listener (I didn’t take psychology course for nothing…) so I usually let the other person talk.
I’ve met people who just talk about themselves (maybe I should just jump in and talk about myself?). In a way, I see them talking to themselves. Yeah, I may look like I’m listening but really…their words go in one ear and out of my other ear. I do selective hearing tho. Like if your conversation includes words, like, Boston or Insurance my whole body would respond to look for the person who says it. Look, I get it, sometimes a friend just need someone to talk to. I’m okay with that, let them get the words out. I remember a acquaintance whom I know through my ex boyfriend, called me out of nowhere. I added him on instagram and facebook where I commented on his pictures of red bean and green tea cake. I talked to him a little here and there on facebook, nothing meaningful. So, I was surprised that he called me. He was talking about something, but I don’t remember what it was exactly. He just went on and on with muffling noises in his background of the call (wait, he sounded just like Victor. It was only him talking to himself. Yeah, I’m not wasting my time here). I sighed. Rolled my eyes. Chuckled. I told him why he called and wanted to talk to me about it. He said something like I seemed like the person who would listen to him (lol). I just told him he can just text me instead, k, bye. Best phone hang up ever.
But back to my co worker, my friend. It’s nice to share with him of my struggles too. Our struggles is what we have in common and thats why we are connected (well, also because Gingy is from Boston 🤗). What matter the most is that we talk about it with each other and still support each other to do the best we can even when there are obstacles. 💪💪 I may not be able to help him with his problems (he may not be able to help me with my problems) but listening, giving insights and supporting is what lift him up. No body wants to feel alone.